


We're All Leaving

by Kitt_Katt



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Brotherly Love, Brothers not in blood but in bond, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Ghost Loki, Hurt/Comfort, Infinity War (Marvel Comics), Thor can't let go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitt_Katt/pseuds/Kitt_Katt
Summary: “I love you so much.. But this is where I am now, and this is who I am now.” He pauses, looking away as the words catch in his throat. “And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live in your book anymore..”“Where are you going?” Thor’s voice cracked and Loki could tell he would never be ready for this goodbye.“It would be hard to explain, but if you ever get there, come find me. Nothing would ever pull us apart.”--Loki is dead, trying to live in between realities pains him; but not as much as seeing Thor break from the weight of his loss. He tries to protect him, tries to bring him comfort and closure but in the end.. Thor needs to let him go.





	We're All Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the quote from the movie Her (2013) - It is used as well as other dialog from Avengers: Infinity War (2018). There are spoilers. Not beta-read and I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes!

The moment he felt death close around him, Loki felt this peace. He knew deep down in his heart he would never reach Valhalla; his life stained by his many mistakes and misdeeds. Yet if he could chose a path for himself -- to live in the golden halls for all eternity or remain weightless in this never ending silence. He would chose the latter.

It wasn’t dark, nor light. _It was just peace._ He was happy, for this gentle calm was more than he knew he deserved.

Yet suddenly it was bright and everything around him was harsh. A loud yell from an all-to-familiar voice was waking him from this slumber and he felt fear along with grief, anger and anxiousness. The familiar taste of revenge filled him and he could feel his sight returning to him.

Everything was grey, like he was witnessing everything on an old reel of film. Thor in front of him, panting and gasping for breath as he stood in a ship surrounded by an odd band of people.

“Who the hell are you guys..?” The Thunderer panted out. Loki was only grateful the healing spell he had placed on his brother when he tackled him to the ground was working. It kept him alive long enough while help came.

They tended to him and as Loki leaned against the wall watching him from a far he began to understand what he _was_. Why he was still here and why no one else seemed to notice him standing there.

He was a ghost, his astral form stuck between worlds. Not truly gone but unable to remain in the physical world anymore. It struck his heart and his whole body tense with the thought of it. Perhaps this was his curse, a curse for his wickedness. The bill coming due and the Fates deciding he would never get that peace. Loki was a fool to thing he would be worthy of anything akin to it, even for that brief moment. His soul was tethered to Thor’s and he knew his brother would never let him go.

For as much as he tried to speak, his screams fell on deaf ears. For as much as he tried to grab at his brother, shake him and tell him he was still here his hands would pass through the thunderer and Thor would continue on his talk about the infinity stones.

 

* * *

 

Crossing his arms, Loki sat next to Thor in the pod. “I wish you could hear me brother.. Please.. Just--” He bowed his head and turned away. Guilt flooded him.

Why couldn’t Thor let him go? He wasn’t deserving of this grief, of this unbreakable bond his brother held over him.

“So dead brother huh? Yeah, that could be annoying.” The raccoon spoke, though Loki had smiled at Thor’s calling of ‘rabbit’ to the creature.

“Well, he’s been dead before. Now this time, I think it really might be true.”

“And you said your sister and your dad…”

“Both dead.”

“But still got a mom, though?”

“Killed by a Dark Elf.”

“A best friend?”

“Stabbed through the heart.”

“You sure you’re up to this particular mono mission?

“Absolutely! The rage and vengeance, anger, loss, regret, they’re all tremendous motivators. They really clear the mind, so I’m good to go.”

“Yeah, but this Thanos we’re talking about, he’s the toughest there is.”

“Well, he’s never fought me.”

“Yeah, he has.

“He’s never fought me twice. I’m getting a new hammer, don’t forget.”

“Well, it better be some hammer.” Rocket seemed to be loosing this argument but Thor began to turn serious, his optimism failing for a moment and Loki could see it; it made him ache somethign fierce.

“You know, I’m fifteen hundred years old. I’ve killed twice as many enemies as that, and every one of them would’ve rather killed me, but none succeeded. I’m only alive because fate wants me alive. Thanos is just the latest in a long line of bastards, and he will be the latest to feel my vengeance. Fate wills it so.” A few tears fell from Thor’s eyes before he could catch them.

“Mm-hmm. And what if you’re wrong?”

“Well, if I’m wrong, then what more could I lose?”

\---

“All Fathers, give me strength.”

“Do you understand, boy? You’re about to take the full force of a star. It’ll kill you!” Eitri pressed.

“Only if I die.”

“Yes, that’s what killing you means.”

“Thor! Stop!” Loki tried to smack his brother, tried to make him see him. This was suicide and he wouldn’t let his brother die! He couldn’t, not after all he had done to keep him safe. “This is madness! Please! Listen to me! Hear me, I’m here! You don’t have to do this! **_Please!_** ” His voice hoarse from screaming as Thor gripped the leavers and opened Nidavellir.

Screaming with the last of his might Loki pressed himself between Thor and the stars raw heat and power. Any ounce of magic within his veins shielding Thor from the vast majority of the blast but it wasn’t enough. As Thor lost strength, so did he and he felt darkness close around him once more.

The endless silence pulling him back.

 

* * *

 

A loud snap woke him once more and he found himself laying in the ground. A canopy of trees above him as he tried to remember his last moment with his brother. _Nidavellir.. Storm Breaker.. The star.._

Pushing himself onto his feet he saw colour once again, everything bright and beautiful as it came into focus. Yet it didn’t last.

Stepping close he looked out on the field to see half of the warriors fading into dust.

He felt winded, eyes unable to look away as he heard people scream and cry over those who were just.. _Gone._ There was nothing to bury, nothing to say goodbye to.

**Thanos had won.**

_This was his fault._ Part of him wanted to argue, but how could he? The moment he had let go from the broken bifrost bridge his road was leading him to this. If he hadn’t let go, if he hadn’t seen the tesseract on his way down to Sanctuary, maybe it would not have ignited the titan so to fulfill his mission of balance.

“Loki..” A soft voice reached his ears yet it was as if it was spoken across worlds. Slowly turning he saw Thor standing there, covered in the dirt, grime and blood of battle. Storm Breaker at his side. Tears fill his eyes, seeing his brother standing there; at the end of all things. Skin blue, in his true Jotun form. Darker blue and purple bruises around his neck and dried blood trailed off from his mouth and nose. Thor rushed to him, trying to embrace his brother but his arms fell through the trickster and Loki stumbled back; thrown out of his shock.

“You.. You can see me?” His voice like an echo now that it could be heard, distant and sad.

Thor nodded. Still in disbelief and trying to understand.

“I’m not here Thor.. Not really. It’s like.. I’m stuck.” Loki swallowed, bowing his head and looking down in shame. “I feel tied to you, when you wake so do I. Yet when you’re gone I find myself in this empty space. Quiet and calm. It’s hard to explain.. I’ve been trying to call to you, to make you see me since you woke on that rescue ship but..” I wasn’t strong enough. “Nidavellir, trying to shield you, I must have taken in some of her energy and now..”

I’m still not here nor there. But you can see me.

“We lost.. Didn’t we..” Loki finally looked up to his brother.

“Yes..” Thor’s voice cracked, fingers shaking. “It was my fault.”

“No..” Loki tried to placate him, concentrating his magic so his touch would be more grounded just like his manifestation was becoming; his fingers wrapping around the nape of Thor’s neck and the thunderer shivered. “This all comes back to me.. What I’ve done.. Because I let go..” Pausing he pulled his brother close, able to embrace him now and grant him some peace. “I’m here still.. Some part of me is still here and the fight isn’t over! This is just a passing thing, a shadow that we must bring to the light. We could spend the rest of eternity blaming one another or ourselves but it would only keep us in the dark.”

 

* * *

 

 Days turned into weeks, weeks to months and months to years. Loki stayed by Thor’s side. A manifestation of energy as he did what he could to help what remained of the Avengers so they might take back what Thanos had stolen from them.

All the while Loki could feel himself getting weaker and weaker. The universe didn’t want him here anymore, his soul was meant to pass and he was supposed to end. That he was still standing here was an affront to nature and the true order of things. Loki wanted to tell his brother, to make him let him go but the happiness in Thor’s smile kept him from doing so. He had gotten his brother back in some form and it made it harder for him to pull away. 

Standing just outside on the balcony, looking out at the stars of Wakanda he heard the Avengers converse behind him. Tomorrow they would begin their years worth of preparing and planing.

“This plan.. It might alter things, change the past and then into the future..” Loki stated, knowing Thor had come out to his side without him even looking beside him. “But for the course of my life, I don’t think my ending will change..” Sighing he finally looked over to his brother who looked like he had just been slapped.

Thor only pressed his lips together in a thin line, “Don’t say that.. We’re going to save everyone, even you! Trust me brother this will work.”

“I’m tired Thor, I feel pieces of me slipping away; memories and sensations but as much as I try to reach for them I get tugged back. By you. My life was supposed to end! I was supposed to--” Loki began to growl, turning to his brother and wondering how he could keep looking at him for all these years when he still looked like he had just died. “But you just can’t let me go!”

With that he pulled himself back into the empty; finding a way to control it so he could have his own space and a small measure of peace. Guilt flooding him at the look on Thor’s face when he disappeared.

 

* * *

 

The morning of, the sun began to rise as it always did. Loki stood in Thor’s room, watching the golden rays catch his brothers face and he let out a small sigh. Sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Thor..” His voice was quiet but it was enough to rouse the thunder god. Sitting up he looked at his brother. “I need you to listen.. Because what I am about to say will be hard to hear.”

Thor nodded, seeming to know what was coming after Loki’s outburst last night; thinking it was an apology that he didn’t deserve but he wasn’t expecting the next words that Loki spoke.

“I can’t stay.. Not like this, you should let me go. It’s not right to hold on like this brother..” Loki tried to be gentle. After all Thor had lost, this one small glimmer of his brother meant so much to him. Loki finally understood and it was when he was saying goodbye.

“Why are you leaving..?” Thor asked, voice weak, trying not to cry at Loki’s request.

“It's like I'm reading a book.. And it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you.. And the words of our story.. But it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It's a place that's not of the physical world. It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed..

“I love you so much.. But this is where I am now, and this is who I am now.” He pauses, looking away as the words catch in his throat. “And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live in your book anymore..”

“Where are you going?” Thor’s voice cracked and Loki could tell he would never be ready for this goodbye.

“It would be hard to explain, but if you ever get there, come find me. Nothing would ever pull us apart.”

“I love you too brother.. Please.. Promise you’ll be waiting for me.” Thor began to cry and Loki could feel himself beginning to fade. Looking down at his hands he saw how he was disintegrating into flecks of golden light. A warmth filling him like he had never known.

“I promise..”

Then he was gone. Not to Valhalla, not to the empty but to a new world all his own.

 


End file.
